So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
