and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
