smell my finger.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
