babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
