Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
