i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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