Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
