She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
