u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
