Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
