i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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