Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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