they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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