I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
