You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
