Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
40s are totally the cure
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
