gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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