Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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