the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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