everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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