I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
