i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i want to swaddle you in tequila
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
