Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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