Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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