This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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