Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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