Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
is that a dick in a sweater?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
