Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
