Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
