Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
handjob tips. give me some.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
