I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
