How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
there was a trapeze. enough said
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
