I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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