I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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