He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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