We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
