some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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