Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
