so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.