Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit