I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid