I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
