Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
