I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
