I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
