And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
