She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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