I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
