i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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