he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
