Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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