i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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