why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
