So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
