a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
