there was a trapeze. enough said
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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