jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
