For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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