Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
