They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He shit in the fireplace
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
