Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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