My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
