You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
